Rape Isn’t Real: My Response

Dear Kristen,

I hope you read this. I read your post Rape Isn’t Real the other day. It was gut wrenching and heartbreaking. I read it while I was holding a sleeping seven-month-old baby and I cried. A lot.

First, let me tell you I commend your courage to share your story. That takes more bravery than I could ever imagine. I am so glad you highlighted the fact that rape is never, ever the victim’s fault. That is so true. This man, what he did to you is not okay.

There is just one part of your story I cannot get over, your bishop said he offered you forgiveness and was more concerned about the well-being of the young man who raped you. This makes me sick to my stomach.

I hope you realize that you have absolutely nothing to be forgiven for. I have seen other comments that resonate my feelings and I am so glad. You said you have a new bishop who has helped you work through these challenging times. Has he told you that you have done absolutely nothing wrong? I know your first bishop said you could have walked home and yes, you could have. You could have called a taxi, but each scenario could have ended just as badly or worse. Do your bishops realize that this man is the only one at fault here?

It sounds a whole lot like his entire plan was pre-meditated. I have been passed out drunk more than once in my life and never have I awoken to a man pulling down my pants. I have been married nearly seven years and my husband would never dream of touching me without my permission. In fact, I told him about your story and he was appalled.

You were failed by one person, this man, who decided to take what was never his to take.

Whether you decide to report this to the authorities is entirely your choice, whatever happens to him is not on you.

There is one thing I am sincerely hoping for your future. I hope that when the day comes that you are planning your wedding and you are asked if you are worthy to enter into a temple marriage I hope you know that your answer is yes, without any doubts. As I said, you have no blame in this scenario. What was done to you leaves you faultless.

I hope you understand my response to your post. You and I do not know each other, but I wanted you to know you are not guilty of a thing. I wanted to give you strength and courage to continue to hold your head high every day.

As a mother, this concerns me to my very core and I hope you know you are never alone.

Much love,



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