Parents, Talk to Your Children About Rape

Brock Allen Turner fucked up. He did wrong, there is no denying this. He raped a woman, put himself inside of her without her consent and took what was not his. He has been found guilty for this crime.

His father thinks his punishment was “too harsh” because he’s a swimmer. Because, he had a bright future ahead of him that was screwed up. News flash, he screwed it up himself. If he really felt pressure to do these things from the swim team, they sincerely need to be scrutinized as well. 

Most importantly he ruined another persons life. He did this, of his own accord. He did this all to himself, he has no one else to blame. Is he not eating because his future as a swimmer has been destroyed? And, he can never go to the olympics? Or, because he actually feels bad for what he did to this woman? It sounds to me like all he cares about is himself and his future. As does his family. Well, definitely his father, at least. We know that for sure. 

I’m curious if his father ever talked to him about sex. What was that conversation like? Did he say “hey son, if a girl is drunk you shouldn’t have sex with her, you should take her home.” Or was it something like “son, you will be tempted, but never have sex with a women without her consent. Even if her body says yes, but she is saying no or cannot speak you should definitely stop.” Or was it more to the effect of “what a whore, she deserved that.” Also, what has his mother said? Or, was the conversation of sex taboo like it is in so many households? Abstinence was preached and that was the end of it?

From his fathers letter I get the feeling that maybe these words were never spoken. Maybe his father thought they were implied and never needed to be said? This is all speculation on my end, but one thing is certain, even if his parents never said these things Brock knew better. We all know better. We all know you should never enter someone without their consent. But, maybe if they had made a point to have this conversation it wouldn’t have happened. 

Oddly enough, I met my husband in a similar manner. A girl friend and I were at a house party, we were twenty. She was absolutely drunk. To the point where she passed out on the couch. She had come to the party with a boy. This boy decided that since my friend was passed out he would finger her. My husband stepped in and stopped him. The fact that my husband had to step in at all still disturbs me. I think of this other boy and wonder, who else has he tried to harm?

To the victim of Brock’s heinous crime I am so absolutely sorry. No one in the world should have to endure the pain you have been through. As a mother I wish I could take your pain away. 

Parents of the world, talk to your children. Do not even risk that they will ever think it is okay to rape someone. It shouldn’t just be implied, say it, mean it and don’t try to justify what your child does. Our girls also need to know that if they are ever touched without consent they didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you went back to a mans house and you told him to stop, he should. If he doesn’t, report him. Just tell someone. 

My kids are still young, but if any of them ever cause another person harm I can almost guarantee I will be the one asking for the harshest punishment possible. As a mother I want the best for my sons, and I would visit them in prison, but I would hope they were there for 14 years so they would truly learn their lesson. 

Growing up I was taught that women should keep themselves covered and if they dressed scandalously they deserved what they got. My parents never stated this, but it was definitely a highlight in our religion. To the point that I wrote a paper about it in high school. I truly believed these things. I’m also very embarrassed to admit this, but I honestly didn’t know any better. Now, as a grown ass woman, without the influence of a religion, I know that a woman could be walking naked and it doesn’t fucking matter. No man should ever touch her without her consent. Unfortunately, as a woman I also know others do not feel this way. When a woman is raped they try to fight it by saying she caused it with her promiscuity. I certainly don’t dress as uncovered as my husband would like, because I know some men are assholes, some men see opportunities and some women would even say I deserved it. Perhaps, if we all took the time to tell our children how screwed up this is, the world would be a better place. I often weep when I think about these things, because what can I do? I’m only one person. 

There is no excuse for anyone to behave this way and I do believe Brock’s parents are going to have to endure part of the responsibility for his behavior. Just as we all have to do for our own children. 


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