LYPBB Challenge Day 20: Talk with Your Partner about Your Feelings

Today’s challenge is very important to me. Today’s challenge is to speak with your partner about your feelings. More importantly, your feelings about your body after having your baby.

There are so many things that change in our lives after we have a child, some good, some bad. If this is your first child, you may notice a shift in your relationship with your partner as well. One of these changes may be due to all the changes in your body. As a nanny, I have met many different families, with many different dynamics. I have heard husbands complain about their wives’ inability to lose the baby weight. I have seen spouses dragging their significant other to exercise two weeks after the baby was born. I have also seen those partners who uplift and accept their significant other just the way they are.

Not too long ago I was at the park with my children. While we were there, I noticed a couple with, what was clearly, their first child. You know how you can tell? They hover, they watch, and they do not leave their child’s side. I have totally been there! Anyway, as this couple was sitting there I noticed the husband; he seemed so unhappy. He kept glancing at his wife and another woman who was in amazing shape, and he sighed. Now, maybe he and his wife were fighting, I cannot be entirely sure. But from my previous experiences, I am pretty certain he was upset with his wife. Upset that she didn’t look like the person he married; upset that she hadn’t lost her extra baby weight. Just for the record, I thought she looked amazing!

This entire encounter made me very sad, as did the husbands who complained about their wives’ inability or unwillingness to lose the baby weight and dragging them out to exercise two weeks after giving birth. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I know I would never, ever want my husband to do this to me.

This, ladies, is why I am challenging you to speak with your partner about your feelings. I knew how that mom felt, whose husband was upset she still hadn’t lost the baby weight. She was exhausted, she worked full-time, her child was a terrible sleeper, and the last thing she wanted to do was exercise. Want to know how I knew? She told me. As a nanny, I am told a lot. However, guess who she didn’t tell? Her husband! If they had taken a moment to discuss her feelings and how tired she was and that exercise was not her top priority at the time, I am sure he would have left it alone and been more understanding.

After my first son, I was anxious to lose the extra weight and the second time, not so much. Each time I spoke with my husband about it. He does not care, either way; all he cares about is making me happy. I am willing to guess your partner will feel the same once you explain this to him/her.

There are also other factors to consider after having a baby: maybe you have developed post-partum depression, or perhaps you cannot exercise because you are nursing (everyone’s body is different–every time I tried to exercise my milk vanished). It is also not guaranteed that you will lose weight just because you are nursing, I was much heavier while breastfeeding, which is the opposite of every book I read. Perhaps, losing weight is just not your top priority in life right now, or maybe it is, and you just can’t find the time and need help. Whatever your situation may be, I hope you will tell your partner exactly how you feel.

If you need a little help discussing things with your partner one of my favorite bloggers, Dr. Psych Mom, has a page of 100 questions to ask your significant other to help you feel closer. These questions may open up communication for you and your partner and make this discussion easier.

Open a bottle of wine, have a nice dinner, and have a wonderful chat with your partner!

{Wondering what the LYPBB Challenge is all about? Start here!}

kisses

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